create pulchritudinem

Early this year, I got this tattoo on the inside of my left wrist. CREATE PULCHRITUDINEM. It means 'create beauty' in Latin.

One day when a friend and I were discussing possible tattoo designs she was thinking about, she said, "I feel like you needed that for yourself this year." I agree. Now, one can debate the merit or necessity of a tattoo, but that's not what I'm going for, so don't feel compelled to weigh in on that here.

It is a message, primarily to myself, and one that has kept me going thru the challenging times I alluded to in the previous post. Creating beauty is something that I feel compelled to do, and it takes many different forms...helping to curate worship stations, hosting people in my home, knitting, sewing, and photography, to name a few.

The last couple of years I lived in Birmingham, I was part of a small-group Bible study that, if you examined it from afar, seemed like the least likely group of women to fit together for such a purpose. Yet it was a rich experience. Over the course of time, we probably exchanged hundreds of dollars in the form of shoes, jewelry, books, and lunches, without much money ever changing hands.

We met during lunch on Fridays and usually did a book study of some sort. At one point, we went thru The Purpose-Driven Life. I know there are many, many people that love that book and gleaned much from it. I happen to not be one of those people. With one exception. The section on What Drives You?

As a pre-cursor to talking about that section, we all asked that question of others in our lives. I sent out an email to one of my brothers, some friends from forever and some from not so long ago, my mom's best friend, people young and old. All of the answers that I received boiled down to two things:

seeking truth and/or creativity

While I know that is true, and it is something I can easily articulate for myself, it still blows me away to know that people can see that. Occasionally, I still pull out that list and marvel that it boils down to those two things.

Create pulchritudinem. Looking forward to more in the days and weeks to come.

I'm Turning My Face Back Now

“Ten years ago...I turned my face for a moment, and it became my life.”

Someone shared this quote with me earlier this week. It’s from David Whyte’s work called ‘The Heart Aroused”, and was a quote from a woman who was addressing the group in one of his seminars.

It has shaken me to my core this week, as it so succinctly puts words to the course of my life the last few years. I’ve been far too unhappy and ill-fitted in my current job for way too long. My friends have patiently waited and prayed and loved me while I worked through coming to terms with this and finally admitting out loud to myself and others that something had to change.

In my mind, I have a series of mental photographs of moments and acts of grace along the way... more than one well-timed email, conversation, prayer, and act of kindness. They have kept me going the last few months.

It still feels risky, but I’m in the process of making the shift now. I’ll still be working for the same company, but in a different capacity. I am trading in my management hat in favor of learning a different part of the business. I could not be happier. Yet I still struggle with feeling like my job got the best of me.

I turned my face for a moment, and it became my life.

In many ways, it did get the best of me. It got all of me. It used me up and depleted my reserves. The logistics of the transition are in the works, and have required me to exhibit more patience than I really care to. I’ve come to understand the waiting of Advent in a new way.

On the second Sunday of Advent, my friend Nadia said in her sermon, “Maybe when our opinions and neurosis and pride and expectations about what the world owes us die down…maybe when we sit in this quiet of Advent we might begin to see where God is quietly and insistently making all things new.”

I turned my face for a moment, and it became my life.

I'm turning my face back now.

(photo by Sheralee Turley)

merry christmas

my life's really fun

This was one of my favorite moments of Thanksgiving:

4 year-old niece and I are out on our one-on-one outing, which is becoming a tradition when I visit. We're headed to a coffee shop and bookstore. I see a cupcake shop, which is famous for its cupcakes and pull in.
Me: Here's a cupcake shop! Do you want to go in?
4 year-old: Can we get a cupcake?
Me: Yes.
4 year-old: Then, yes.

We're sitting at the bar, enjoying our cupcakes when she says, "My life's really fun."
I want THAT kind of joy.

the list

Tripped across this in my email today. A list of goals/dreams I had put together a little over a year ago at the urging of a friend. Not really any closer to any of them than I was then, which makes me feel kinda lame, but I think they are all still on 'the list'.

- have a gallery show my photography

- leave the insurance world behind because my photography and writing have become so lucrative

- find Mr. Right

- have a family of my own (this one is starting to smolder a bit - not sure I want to be raising kids into my 60s)

- write a book of essays and have them published

- lose 40 pounds

- f*ck fear

- paint the bathroom

- work less

- write more

- waste less time

- road trip around the country

- dream bigger

- live more authentically

Two Days in London

What would you do if you had two days to spend in London? Not things that would have someone confined to public transportation for hours on end. And no tour groups. 

Weekend Recap

Quick run-down of the holiday weekend:

Thursday night went to White Fence Farm for dinner. Fried Chicken mecca of Denver. We had a great waitress and she let us guess the ingredients of two of our favorite side dishes - Bean Salad and Coleslaw. Now, I just have to figure out the measurements. I am sure they make the stuff by the swimming pool-sized bowlful. 

Friday morning went to the Cherry Creek Arts Festival. Lots of great art. Stuart and Sheralee surprised me with this nifty dragon fly yard art from one of our favorite artists there.

Friday night a dozen people came over for movie night in my backyard . 

Saturday evening I hosted 35 people for an Independence Day celebration. 

After tons of hours of yardwork by the fabulous Richard Turley and myself, the rain commenced fifteen minutes before my guests were slated to arrive. My mother would be proud that my house was clean so we were able to seamlessly transition things inside, soon after I finished my fit of anger. You know the one... you are tired and exhausted, the yard looks great, you are finally proud of it, but, alas, you and your guests must enjoy it from afar. I got over it.

The rain did stop and we were able to be outside for part of it after all. Bottom line is that we all had fun anyhow. And the thirteen pound brisket I cooked that people thought was too freakishly large? Not. a. single. piece. left. 

books I've read in 2009

June
Dating Jesus: A Story of Fundamentalism, Feminism, and the American Girl, Susan Campbell

An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith, Barbara Brown Taylor

Babymouse #3: Beach Babe, Jennifer Holm and Matthew Holm
Babymouse #1: Queen of the World!, Jennifer Holm and Matthew Holm

May
Handmade Nation: The Rise of DIY, Art, Craft, and Design, Faythe Levine and Cortney Heimerl

April
The Film Club: A Memoir, David Gilmour
The Furious Longing of God, Brennan Manning
I Was Told There'd Be Cake, Sloane Crosley
How (Not) to Speak of God - Marks of the Emerging Church, Pete Rollins

March
Practicing Resurrection: A Memoir of Work, Doubt, Discernment and Moments of Grace, Nora Gallagher
When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times, Pema Chodron
I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't), Brene' Brown
Sleeping at the Starlight Motel: and Other Adventures on the Way Back Home, Bailey White

February
The Three Signs of a Miserable Job, Patrick Lenconi
The Water Will Hold You: A Skeptic Learns to Pray, Lindsey Crittenden
Things Seen and Unseen: A Year Lived in Faith, Nora Gallagher
From Stone to Living Word, Debbie Blue

January
Post-Rapture Radio: Lost Writings from the Failed Revolution at the End of the Last Century, Russell Rathbun
A Year of Mornings: 3191 Miles Apart, Maria Alexandra Vettese and Stephanie Congdon Barnes 
To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings, John O'Donohue

pentecost, bluegrass style

books I've read in 2009

May
Handmade Nation: The Rise of DIY, Art, Craft, and Design, Faythe Levine and Cortney Heimerl

April
The Film Club: A Memoir, David Gilmour
The Furious Longing of God, Brennan Manning
I Was Told There'd Be Cake, Sloane Crosley
How (Not) to Speak of God - Marks of the Emerging Church, Pete Rollins

March
Practicing Resurrection: A Memoir of Work, Doubt, Discernment and Moments of Grace, Nora Gallagher
When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times, Pema Chodron
I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't), Brene' Brown
Sleeping at the Starlight Motel: and Other Adventures on the Way Back Home, Bailey White

February
The Three Signs of a Miserable Job, Patrick Lenconi
The Water Will Hold You: A Skeptic Learns to Pray, Lindsey Crittenden
Things Seen and Unseen: A Year Lived in Faith, Nora Gallagher
From Stone to Living Word, Debbie Blue

January
Post-Rapture Radio: Lost Writings from the Failed Revolution at the End of the Last Century, Russell Rathbun
A Year of Mornings: 3191 Miles Apart, Maria Alexandra Vettese and Stephanie Congdon Barnes
To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings, John O'Donohue

agenda for today:

- Bike ride
- Serious yard work
- Cornhole Tournament
- Chile Rellano Burrito at el Taco de Mexico, perhaps?

blessing of the bicycles

Bring your bike and join us for the Blessing of the Bicycles a week from tomorrow. Then we'll eat cake!

potpourri

- Work has been quite demanding this week in a lot of ways, so not much coming out on the creative front.

- I'll get back to posting Holy Week stuff this weekend. Still have photos from Easter Vigil to clean up, as well as some thoughts about my experience with Lent and Holy Week.

- Feeling sad tonight at the loss of a dear childhood/college friend, Gregg Fulkerson. Gregg was among the most talented people to come out of my hometown. He was an amazing, extremely talented singer-songwriter/musician who will be missed by many. My heart goes out to his entire family, especially his son, Carter. He was one of those people that I've known my entire life. While I love living in Colorado, it's times like these I wish I was back in The South.

- Chances are as great as not that I'll begin my day shoveling show tomorrow. Wet, heavy snow.

- Off to bed in hopes of starving a cold that is lurking.

- Weekend, come quickly.

Good Friday

Tonight we had our Good Friday service at House. Upon arrival, each person was given a purple tulip to lay on the cross during the time of adoration.

We chanted the psalm and did a responsive reading of the Gospel text, which was John 18 & 19. Not having much Scripture as part of corporate worship in recent years (last several months excluded), I am enjoying anew hearing the text read aloud. (Although 'enjoying' isn't quite the word to describe hearing this text.)

Following the sermon and prayers was the Proclamation of the Cross and Adoration. After which people had a chance to visit the stations of the cross and scribe a response to each station, before leaving in silence.

The times of silent reflection were quite meaningful to me, yet the whole service felt very haunting and sparse without the Peace, Alleluia, and Eucharist.

Following the service, a few of us took the tulips downtown to the site of the last shooting (that we could recall) and placed them at the site and offered a prayer.

I am liking this liturgical rhythm that I have seemingly fallen into.

Maundy Thursday

It's late, so I'm just gonna let the photos of our Maundy Thursday service at House for All speak for themselves with just a few quick details:
- We did the gospel text as a narrative reading and then incorporated the foot washing and Eucharist into it. It was powerful.
- Yes, those are condoms you see. We put together over 200 bleach kits for Praxus, a street outreach that is part of the Colorado Network to End Human Trafficking (CoNEHT).
- At the end of the service we stripped the altar bare and covered it with a black cloth.
- As people left in silence they dropped 30 silver coins into a bowl by the door, to be given to a group that has been betrayed. We'll be giving the money to the Four Winds Native American community, who we rent our space from.
A holy evening.